Who is in control of your life? What is going right or wrong in your life? When things go wrong, who do you blame? Serious questions that we should all take a step back and think about. I personally have been through a lot of stuff that made me lose control, everything went wrong, and I blamed everyone else. I could not see that it was me causing all my problems. I was so busy blaming everyone else that I could not see that it was my own disbelief in myself that was holding me back. I could not see past my own negative feelings to see anything positive. I just wanted to point the finger everywhere else than where it belonged. I would say that I was too distracted by my son. I would say my husband didn’t support me enough. I know now that I was scared. I let everything stop me from being me.
I know that I have to stand up and take responsibility for my actions. I cannot continue to put the blame anywhere else but where it belongs, on me. After my life kind of fell apart before my eyes it sent me on one hell of a roller coaster. Except I couldn’t get off of it. It just kept making me go around and around and around. Finally I’m off, but dizzy as hell. I know that before I can take my first real step, I have to take a break to sit down and get my bearings. It’s time to step back and clear my head or I am going to only wind up back on that stupid roller coaster. I am making the choice to take control and to rebuild my life better than it has ever been. It can be done, I see people starting over every day; now it is my turn. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I do know that it is going to be worth it. But it’s going to have to start with a good foundation; which means I have to make sure my head and my heart are both in the right place. I also have to make sure that I rely on my support system more; they are there for a reason; so I don’t give up again! I have already sacrificed too much to give up now! Others have also sacrificed for me to give up now!
I know that there is a lot that is out of my control, but I have a hard time accepting that. So I tell myself every day, that I am only one person and what is out of my control I will leave up to God. I know that whatever the future holds I can handle it. I know that since I’ve made it this far, there is no reason to turn back now, besides there actually is no way back. You can’t go back, no matter how you look at it. You are actually standing still when you think you are going back. You’ve got only forward to go, or you can stand still until you are ready to keep moving. Ultimately the decision is yours. And there is no one to blame but yourself for where you are. I’ve been afraid of what would change if I were to keep walking forward, but I know things have to change from time to time. Without change nothing would ever improve. So think about that the next time something changes or causes change in your life. You never know, it could be bringing something even better for you. That’s where faith comes in. You have to learn to let go and tell God what you desire for the outcome and leave it up to him. Have faith that he will provide if you are willing to trust him and walk with him.
Some say that if you think positive and speak positive then you will start to feel more positive and your life will actually start to go in a more positive direction. Many also say that’s ridiculous, but their disbelief keeps them from allowing it to happen to them. I’m the same way; I’ve said all the same stuff. In reality though, it’s just hard for those of us that simply think in a negative way to believe that anything positive can happen. But what we don’t realize is that we are not allowing positive to happen to us, because our negative attitudes keep us closed off from positive change. Then you say, ‘yeah, just because I say it doesn’t mean I believe it.’ Guess what, you don’t have to believe it. Because eventually you will. If you make yourself do it, even if you don’t feel it, over and over, and you keep doing it. Eventually you are going to actually start believing it. But through disbelief many are unwilling to even try. Or they start, but don’t keep it up long enough for it to sink in. It depends on how deep that negativity goes down to your core is how long it will take to flush it away. Think of all your negative emotions like molasses creeping in through your pores and trying to suffocate you through your body. If you want to feel better you are going to have to flush it out of your system.
It’s not easy, but if you are willing to keep trying and keep moving forward then anything is possible. No matter how ridiculous it seems, or even feels. The people that are telling you that if you think positive, then positive things will happen for you; they know what they are talking about. They’ve done it themselves and know it works. I’ve seen it happen for me plenty, but then usually something happens that takes me back to that negative place. I have yet to fully retrain my brain to think positively all the time. But when it does think in positive mode, but when it does everything in my life is better! I feel better physically, emotionally, spiritually. I see my path much more clearly. Things just start going my way with a lot of stuff in my life. Then when I hit that snag, it gets caught and damn near destroys everything I’ve worked so hard for. Usually I let it get me down and then I’m stuck in the same spot for months because I can’t focus on anything other than that one snag. I now know not to focus on the snag, just fix it however you can and keep working. It’s ok to freak out a little, but don’t dwell on it. Just say, ‘ok, stuff happens… it’s happened, but I can’t change it so may as well go with it’. Because you can’t go back, you can only move forward or stand still. You just have the make the choice of which you would rather do. Do you want to stay in the same spot you are or do you want to move on and keep living your life?
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